


Blood of the Present, Pain of the Past

by SonjaJade



Series: Bee Stings and Honey [3]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Secret Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24639031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonjaJade/pseuds/SonjaJade
Summary: In the days between Hughes' death and his funeral, Roy and Riza take some time to mourn their loss, and other losses as well.
Relationships: Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Series: Bee Stings and Honey [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1795597
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	Blood of the Present, Pain of the Past

**Author's Note:**

> Royai Week Day 3- Old Wounds  
> Continuation of my previous two entries

The days between Maes Hughes’ murder and his funeral are spent at the Christmas Inn. At first, it was just Roy and his aunt, drinking in memory of his good friend. Then Riza joins him and it’s the three of them drinking. Aunt Chris is kind enough to stay in Vanessa’s room while Vanessa visits her brother for a few days, and Roy and Riza take Aunt Chris’ room for themselves.

Despite being married in secret for over four years, and despite not having hardly any intimate time together in months, they don’t ravage each other as some might have thought. Instead, they spend their days in mourning together in Madame Christmas’ big poster bed. Even though they’re naked, there’s nothing sensual about the way they hold one another under the satin sheets.

“I couldn’t protect him,” Roy mutters. “How can I ever hope to lead this nation, to protect all Amestrians, if I can’t even protect one man?”

Riza shushes him. “We’re dealing with something much more sinister than we know, Roy. It’s easy to blame yourself when you don’t have all the facts.

He sighs in defeat. He mumbles something about her being right again and gathers her up closer to his chest. Her leg wraps around him and she snuggles into his body, softly telling him it’s perfectly natural to feel guilty after a loved one passes. Given the circumstances of Maes’ death, it’s likely more guilt than normal would accompany it. While his wife goes on to assure him that he’s done nothing wrong, Roy has his doubts as his fingers trail across the scarred skin on her back.

“I should’ve done more to protect you, too,” he whimpers. “Your back would still be smooth if I hadn’t joined the army.”

“Don’t make yourself miserable by opening old wounds,” she murmurs. “I asked you to do what you did. You protected the world from more destruction from my father’s work.”

Roy’s quiet a moment as he digests the words she’s spoken to him. Of course, as usual, she’s right. Picking at old scars doesn’t make new scabs heal any faster, after all. He chuckles as he kisses the end of her nose. 

“I hope he’s looking down at us right now and realizes that I do actually have a wife.” He tells Riza he loves her and thanks her for being with him while he cries for his friend. He turns his head toward the ceiling and says, “Hey, Hughes? I hate that you’re gone, but I’m so glad you finally get to see my wife with your own eyes. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, but I hope you can still help me from beyond.”

Riza raises her head and looks around. “You hear that?”

“Hear what?” 

She puts her finger to his lips, and they both listen to the world around them. Slowly, she leans down and whispers, “I swear I just heard his voice saying, “Now you need a baby!”

Roy playfully smacks her hand away before tickling her stomach. “And where would we keep it? We can’t even let anyone know we’re together, let alone make time to  _ procreate! _ ” He teases her a bit longer then sighs, rolling to his stomach beside her and putting his arm across her. “When the time comes, if it ever comes, I’ll give you as many as you want.”

“And where would we all live?” Riza asks as she trails her fingers across his forearm.

“Big house in the middle of nowhere. We can raise goats or rabbits or something. And a vegetable garden.”

“And a big tall tree with a swing,” she hums. “What color house?”

Roy thinks for a moment, then says, “Light green. With yellow shutters and a wrap-around porch.”

“That sounds pretty.”

“And lots of flowers. I want to keep bees and make our own honey.”

Riza smiles at him. “Still hung up on that honey feeling, huh?”

Roy squeezes her and presses a kiss to her shoulder. “Always and forever, my honey and me.” A long sigh escapes him as he rolls away and gets to his feet, crossing the room to pour himself a glass of scotch. “And Hughes won’t be there to see it. Won’t get to meet our kids, won’t get to have dinner at our house… How can I miss someone who was so irritating when he was alive?”

“Because you called him friend. That’s a kind of love too, you know.” She sits up and pulls the covers up around her chest. “All relationships involve some kind of love.”

He takes a long drink before running his hands through his hair. “It really hurts. It’s the opposite of honey.”

“I’m so sorry you’re hurting,” Riza comments, her voice gentle. “If there was anything I could do to make it easier, or to bring him back, I would.”

He turns and moves the curtain aside just a sliver, looking at the busy street below. “I can’t help but wonder how Fullmetal’s going to take the news. Seems like everyone he gets close to winds up missing or dead.”

“He’s tougher than you give him credit for.” Riza draws her knees up under the sheet. “Still, he’s just a child. We’ll have to tell him gently.”

Closing the curtain, he shuffles back to the bed. “It’s strange… I don’t remember how I felt about losing my parents, but I don’t think I was this upset about it. It seems disrespectful to them to mourn someone so fiercely when I’m not related to them.”

“Don’t do that,” Riza chides. She uncovers herself and moves to sit on the edge of the bed beside him. “You’re digging at old wounds again. It’s perfectly normal to grieve the loss of a dear friend more than your parents. Think about people whose parents were abusive or absent. I’m sure they don’t miss their parents as much as the friends they’ve made.” She reminds him he was very young when his parents died, and he probably had no idea what was going on, anyway.

He knows all about survivor’s guilt. He saw enough of it in the war. He can’t seem to make it stick in his head that the condition doesn’t need to be brought on by a military conflict, though. “Sorry. My head’s all screwy and my heart’s broken.”

“It’s okay,” she urges. “I wouldn’t expect any less right now.”

“Can we name our first son after him?” he asks. When Riza nods, he takes her hand and thanks her. 

“We probably should take a shower,” she suggests. “It’d be nice to go downstairs and eat with the girls when it’s dinner time.

“I can see them any time I want, I’d rather stay up here with you.” 

Riza gives him a soft smile. “Okay.” She gets to her feet. “Want to shower with me?”

“I definitely do.”

Together, they go to the small bathroom within the Madame’s apartment, where Roy carefully washes the old wounds on Riza’s back as he cries over new ones.


End file.
